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Is pop icon Britney Spears the fastest human on the planet?

Well, no – but in these dark days, she's proving to be a surprising ray of light

2020-03-27

In these strange, uncertain times, an unexpected source of joy has emerged in the form of Britney Spears.

It's true that she's always been an unproblematic pop legend, but in dark days like these, it's important to find a beacon of light and hope to light the way.

Britney's music output may have decreased in recent years – her last album, Glory, was released in 2016 – but her Instagram feed has never been better.

 
 
 
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Communion goes beyond walls 🌹🌹🌹

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Since the coronavirus pandemic hit the US, she's been offering to help those struggling to afford basic necessities, has aligned herself with communism by sharing a passage calling for the redistribution of wealth, posting countless photos against her iconic red-wall backdrop and yesterday boasting a world-record breaking 100m-sprint time of 5.97 seconds.

Britney's claim leaves Usain Bolt's 2009 world-record time of 9.58 seconds in the dust.

The pop legend's post on Instagram has now been deleted, but was thankfully snapshotted for posterity.

The post, which showed the iPhone's stopwatch interface with a time of 05.97, read: "Ran my first 5 !!!! Getting over your fear of pushing it in the beginning is key .... once I did that I hit 5 !!!!! Usually I run 6 or 7 ... my first try was 9 .... and now I did it whoop !!!!! 100 meter dash !!!!!"

Even on a slow day, it seemed Britney had Bolt trailing behind.

Of course, people were quick to jump on the claim, but Britney, gracious as ever, later posted a video of herself modelling clothes and acknowledged that her 100m-sprint time may not have been 100 per cent accurate.

 
 
 
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Okay I guess I’m bored …. in my home for two weeks of quarantine and I’m modeling dresses I never knew I had πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ‘—πŸ‘ πŸ’•πŸ™„ !!!! I tried to screen shot a picture but it didn’t work 🀷‍β™€οΈπŸ€·‍β™€οΈπŸ€·‍♀️ I realized I had my hair in a pony tail and no shoes πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜… anyhow I got this cute video !!! I was tired of being still so I got up to go dance in this orange dress πŸ’ƒπŸΌ ….. and do you know what I just learned today ??!? That orange symbolizes wealth, success, stimulation, happiness, fun, balance, sexuality, enjoyment, expression, heat, sunshine, and warmth β˜€οΈβ˜€οΈβ˜€οΈβ˜€οΈβ˜€οΈπŸ§˜πŸΌ‍♀️ and that’s how I felt when I put it on !!!!!! PS …. obviously I was joking about running the 100 meter dash in 5.97 seconds …. the world record is held by Usain Bolt which is 9.58 seconds …. but you better believe I’m coming for the world record πŸ˜‚ !!!! #joking #workbitch

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She wrote: "PS .... obviously I was joking about running the 100 meter dash in 5.97 seconds .... the world record is held by Usain Bolt which is 9.58 seconds .... but you better believe I'm coming for the world record !!!! #joking #workbitch".

Never change, Britney, never change.